


Beware Of Blond Bards, Rashes, And Vortexes

by bornforwar_archivist



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: Comedy, Dimension Travel, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-31
Updated: 2006-12-31
Packaged: 2018-11-05 18:24:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11019003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bornforwar_archivist/pseuds/bornforwar_archivist
Summary: By ElectraA comedy about Xe, Ar, Gabs, and Eve all getting sucked into another world. Oh! And a really bad rash (hehehe).





	Beware Of Blond Bards, Rashes, And Vortexes

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Delenn, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Born For War](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Born_For_War), which closed in 2015. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in March 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Born For War collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bornforwar).
> 
> Rating: I'd say you need to be around 11 or older.  
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters! Other people do.
> 
> Author's Note: This was a reply to a fan fic challenge on another site. That site is Ares and Stuff

It was a quiet day when Xena and her daughter sat by a small lake. The Twilight was over, leaving only a few minor gods in the world. Gabrielle was having difficulties because she had decided to go through the 'harmless weeds.' Poisson ivy. She sat there scratching her arms and legs while Argo2 nibbled at some grass. "Xena!" Gabrielle exclaimed. "Don't you know anything that will help me out here?!"

"No. Just that medicine I gave you to help the itching. Don't worry. It'll cure sooner or later. Just don't scratch."

"Don't scratch?!!! Xena it is Hell not too!" Gabby screamed stomping her foot like a little brat. Eve giggled.

"Well, at least the spider bite healed, Gabby," Eve said with a smile. Gabby just shot her an evil stare.

At that moment the earth trembled and a large vortex appeared. All of the remaining gods had used their powers to create it. They were determined to force the three through it for fear of their own lives. As the portal became stronger, Ares came out from behind some trees and tried to grab Xena. He failed and also flew into the vortex. It then shut, sending the four to another strange place.

* * *

They appeared in a land where the sky was green. The grass was purple and the trees were striped like a zebra, sporting navy blue leaves. "Where are we?" Eve asked her mother."I don't know. It's all so strange."

"Probably an another world," Gabrielle said dumbly. Ares looked annoyed.

"Ares do you know where we are?" Xena asked. She wasn't sure what to think about the recent encounters with the former God of War.

"I never knew this place existed. Hey look! There's a castle over there. Maybe they will know."

Ares was right. In the distance there was a deep red castle with maroon flags whipping in the breeze. After considering it Xena started to walk towards the building with her daughter, Ares, and an itching Gabrielle close behind.

* * *

When they entered the throne room they found an evil Gabrielle sitting there in an ugly orange leather dress that came down to the floor and trailed behind her. She was casually filing her chewed down nails when she noticed the four intruders."What do you scum want?!" she asked in a demanding tone.

"We don't know where we are. Who are you?!" Xena replied.

"I am Gabrielle: The Supreme Ruler Of The Universe and Goddess Of War!"

Ares suddenly turned a deep shade of green. *SHE is the Goddess of War?!!! NO! Can't be! Who's the God Of War! A world ruled by the irritating Blond?! What in the name of....me is going on here!* Ares thought.

Gabrielle read his thoughts. "What are you doing here Ares?! Shouldn't you be out fighting evil?! You know who the God Of War was!"

"Who?" Eve questioned.

"Why....Joxer. There was never a braver or stronger or smarter man!"

"WHAT?!" The real Gabby questioned.

"You kind of look like well......me! But no, I'm not that fat and you are covered in an awful rash!"

"Hey! It's poison ivy for the dead god's sakes!"

"Duh! Why not even Xena: The Goddess of Wisdom, Weaving, and War Strategy could do anything to save all the gods. Athena: The Goddess of wine was killed by her recently. I just don't understand why! Oh well. Now I rule the world!" Gabby: GOW said with an evil laugh. "Now you said you didn't know where you are. Oh well. I'm not a very nice person so......guards! KILL THEM!!"

Around twenty guards entered the room. Xena and Ares prepared to fight and Gabby hid with Eve so that she would be safe. Just as the guards were about to reach the two warriors a man that resembled Ares flipped infront of them. He winked at Xena and held a strange look when he saw Ares. "Who are you?" Xena asked.

"I'm Ares: The Warrior Prince," he replied smiling at her and running a guard through. Xena just smiled back. Ares:GOW got a little mad but decided not to kill the impostor until after they were all safe.

After taking out all 20....no...21gaurds, Gabby:GOW screamed in rage. Another figure appeared beside her as a kick-butt Eve stood beside Ares: Warrior Prince. Xena found out that this was his sidekick. The figure beside Gabby was a blond woman that looked like Xena. Wait! It was Xena! Xena:GOWAWAWS!

She smiled at Ares; The Warrior Prince and just about fainted when she saw Ares:GOW standing there."What do all these people want?" she asked Gabby:GOW.

"They can't figure out how they got here. What are we going to do with em?"

"I have an idea. Ok, listen up! we'll send you back on one condition!"

"What?" Xena:WP asked."I get either Ares here. I don't care witch!"

"Hey, that's not fair to me!" Gabby:GOW screamed."Shut up War Skank!"

"Ok, you're the Goddess of Wisdom after all. You know what's best.""Darn right!"

"You don't get either of us!" Ares: WP said to draw attention back to the problem."Fine then. I get to kill any of you I want!" Xena:GOWAWAWS replied.

"Who?!" Eve asked the blond Xena.

"Ummmmm.........well, I can't kill the other Xena because then I would die and I refuse to kill either Ares........sooooooo.....either Eve or Gabsalot!"

"What?!" both Eves and Gabsa....Gabby replied in unison.

"Take it or leave it!" The goddess Xena replied. Gabby:GOW was still wondering what happens when the other Gabby dies.

"Never!" Eve: Sidekick of the Warrior Prince replied drawling her sword. the others followed her lead and drew theirs'. Xena: GOWAWAWS began to fling bolts of fire everywhere and opened up a vortex by mistake. Everyone jumped through it.

* * *

They appeared back in their world. "we're safe!" Eve exclaimed. "Yea, and nobody died. well, let's go," Xena replied.

* * *

That night everyone was trying to sleep. A gasp from Gabby made Eve rise. She poked Gabrielle with a stick, not wanting to touch the rash covered bard.

"Mom! Gabby's dead!" she exclaimed.

"Don't worry. We'll go to the Underworld in the morning."   
  


The End


End file.
